Family Vacation to Arizona

"That baby wipe just got pulverized on your face!"
—Missy

"The Knicks got bombed."
—Kid leaving the Fox Sports Grill upon seeing the final score of the Jazz-Knicks game

"I'm about to have a blowout."
—Cameron

"Farce alarm."
—Missy

"How the heck am I cold in a hot tub in Arizona?"
—Cameron

"Don't get too close or I'll gash your leg with my leg hairs."
—Missy to Weston while sitting in the cold hot tub

"Oh! Marc!"
—Ellie

"Oh my gosh, you're psychedelic."
—Grandma

"If you're gonna pump the gas, pump it right. Come on buddy!"
—Gas station attendant speaking via intercom to a teenager having trouble at the gas pump

Joe (Home Depot employee helping John choose a new toilet): "This toilet can flush a bucket of ping pong balls."
John: "Nah. We don't need to flush ping pong balls—just the regular stuff."

"Do you have any 11s?"
John asking Joe if there are any toilets more powerful than a 10 rating

"Fair is when mother or father do what they think is best for each individual child."
—Amelia's answer to her mom's question of what is fair, after proclaiming that something wasn't

"His name is Todd, not dog."
—John correcting his 2-year-old daughter

Todd: "Where are your pants!?"
Jacob: "This is a night shirt."
Todd: "I know it's a night shirt, but where are your night pants?"

Todd (trying to snap a picture of Lizzy): "Look up here darling."
Lizzy: "I'm not a doggy."

"If you tackle your toddler so they are crying it is a lot easier to brush their teeth."
—John

"That truck stepped in gum."
—John

"You're a thinker, not a stinker."
—Julie

"Oh! Gogg!"
—Sarah, John's 2-year-old daughter greeting me at the door after General Priesthood meeting